Isolation and Despair
Yes, we fixed Robert Pattinson’s Picolini Cuscino from the famed GQ interview. Many other chefs have attempted, in vain, to recreate Mr. Pattinson’s recipe word for word. We opened our third eye and listened for what he meant, not what he said. The essence of his idea comes down to turning pasta into a fast food item. How can we do that while staying true to our Italian influences? We stuff two classic pastas inside of a focaccia pillow and give them era-appropriate names: Isolation and Despair. We imagine that stoned Italian teenagers would ride their vespas to the fast food place selling these, order them, and eat them promptly, in Italian. chef’s kiss.
Just for an idea of what we were working with before we embarked on this, here is the original ingredient list and how we made substitutions.
One “filthy” box of cornflakes // We just made a focaccia from scratch
A lighter // Definitely still need a lighter for *Br4NDinG~**
Nine packs of pre-sliced cheese // parmigiano reggiano and pecorino, duh
“Just any sauce” // we made cacio e pepe and amatriciana
The top half of a bun // We made the focaccia into a capsule
Lots of sugar // We put honey in our focaccia dough
Pasta // Spaghetti from the bodega
Total preparation time: LOL
Difficulty: This is more a question of will, like will you be able to forgive yourself after making this?
Pineapples: 5/5 🍍 🍍 🍍 🍍 🍍
Read before committing: Now accepting 💰 💰 investors 💰 💰. This can’t be worse than Subway, right? Right?
1/2 cup good olive oil
1 tablespoon chopped rosemary
3 minced garlic cloves
2 teaspoons dry yeast
1/2 teaspoon honey
2 1/2 cups flour
Flaky salt, black pepper, chili flakes
1 cup freshly grated pecorino cheese
2 cups of freshly grated parmigiano reggiano
1/2 red onion, minced finely
2 garlic cloves, minced finely
1 bunch basil
75g guanciale (OK to substitute pancetta)
1 28oz can of crushed tomatoes
3 Tablespoons unsalted butter
Make focaccia dough, but stop right before placing the dough on baking tray
About 30 after you have set the dough to rise, begin making the cacio e pepe and the amatriciana.
Place each pasta in a metal bowl once finished.
Roll the dough in small spheres and then flatten them out.
Place a small amount of pasta on the dough and roll the dough around, until it envelops completely. Try to keep the dough uniformly thick throughout.
Place on baking tray and brush with the remaining olive oil and herb infusion from the focaccia recipe.
Bake at 450F for about 20 minutes until golden brown.
Use a lighter to burn in the *Br4NDinG~**
That’s it, you monsters.